Sunshine Empire

Sunshine Empire Bankrupt

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:13:00 +0000

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

Sunshine Empire Get Rich Quick

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:30:00 +0000

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
"What are those for?"

The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand...
"the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

http://jokes.federal.ro/joke/2430.htm

Sunshine Empire Casino

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:28:00 +0000

One day, at a casino buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing.

He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed.

Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened. "Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried.

"Are you a paramedic?" "No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

http://www.casinojokes.net/casinojokes4.htm

Sunshine Empire Philosophy

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:32:00 +0000

A philosopher once had the following dream.

First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.

Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.

Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.

After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief.

The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That's what you say."

[From Raymond Smullyan, 5000 B.C. and Other Philosophical Fantasies. St. Martin's Press, 1983]

Sunshine Empire Weather

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 02:28:00 +0000

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

http://www.weatherimages.org/wxhumor.html

Sunshine Empire Property Venture

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 17:17:00 +0000

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."

Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."

Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was leaving. The boy said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"

http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=3275&id=1

Sunshine Empire Registration

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 05:55:00 +0000

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.

The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"

"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;

"Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher "Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..."

"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"

http://www.jokes.net/policeandablonde.htm

Sunshine Empire Communications

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:47:00 +0000

This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

http://www.humorsphere.com/j/94.html

Sunshine Empire Funeral

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 02:08:00 +0000

A woman went into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She told the director that she wanted her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asked, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?”

“No,” she insisted as she handed him a check to buy a dark blue suit. “It must be blue.”

When she came back for the wake, she saw her husband in the coffin, and he was wearing a beautiful blue suit. She told the director how much she loved the suit and asked how much it cost.

He said, “Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her, so I switched the heads.”

http://www.maximonline.com/jokes/index.aspx?joke_id=859

Sunshine Empire Accountant and the Business Owner

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 01:01:00 +0000

There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"

The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician said "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."

The attorney stated "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."

The trader asked "Are you buying or selling?"

The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice "What would you like it to be?"

http://www.jokes.net/accountantandthebusinessowner.htm

Sunshine Empire Dog Property

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 16:51:00 +0000

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.

7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.

8. If I saw it first, its mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If its broken, its yours.

http://www.jakesjokes.com/joke_16088.php

Sunshine Empire HYIP

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 16:17:00 +0000

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting". Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job - if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over Rs 50,00,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is.

The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags Santa to an interpreter.
The mafia hood says to Santa, "Ask him where is the money."

Santa signs, "Where's the money?"

The deaf replies, "I don`t know what you're talking about."

Santa tells the hood, "He says he doesn`t know what you're talking about."

The hood pulls out a .38 pistol and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where's the money."

Santa signs, "Where is the money?"

The deaf man signs, "The 50,00,000 is in Rose Garden, hidden in the ninth tree stump on the left from the exit gate." Santa says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you`re talking about and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger"

Sunshine Empire Fengshui

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 16:53:00 +0000

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat

for two dollars.

The storeowner replies "I`m sorry, but the cat isn`t for sale.

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I`ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat`s used to eat and it`ll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that`s my lucky saucer. So far this week I`ve sold sixty-eight cats."

Sunshine Empire BMW

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 03:53:00 +0000

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

http://www.lifeisajoke.com/animal20_html.htm

Sunshine Empire Lousy Lawyer

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 16:28:00 +0000

16> His idea of a key immunity deal involves penicillin shots.
15> Open argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo
Head" could hurt your case.
14> Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.
13> In the middle of your trial, he crawls underneath the bench
and actually tries to "please the court."
12> Uses rhyming couplets like Johnny Cochran, but they all end
with "Nantucket."
11> Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
10> Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser
Troll."
9> A closer look at his diploma reveals it's from Yale
Lock School.
8> The only question she can come up with during cross-
examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?"
7> Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting
from the jury.
6> Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he
screams, "Yahtzee!"
5> Dental problem forces her to use short, concise sentences
comprised of commonly used, clearly understood words.
4> Instead of saying "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls
his eyes and says, "Whatever."
3> Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the
"discovery" processes.
2> Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

and Top5's Number 1 Sign Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out...

1> "Nice breasts, Your Honor."

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]

Sunshine Empire Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 16:51:00 +0000

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Actually, he already did it. It’s just saved in draft mode.

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Actually, he already did it. You just didn’t know because you don’t get the feed.

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. Bloggers don’t change lightbulbs, they change the world.

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Sure, Brooke Mote, 35, of Covington, Ga., knew she was fat. Whenever the single first-grade teacher went out socially, every chat she had with a man seemed to end with a requestÅ that she introduce him to her slender friend! Still, she never thought there was anything wrong with being at 5-foot-10 and 268 lbs. a big, beautiful woman. Search Phentermine pills!

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 100. 1 to change the lightbulb and 99 to comment on how it should have been done differently.

Sunshine Empire Liar

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 16:04:00 +0000

A young loiterer from Wuling was known as a notorious liar. One day he fell in with an old man in the marketplace.

"I've heard that you are a great liar," said the old man. "Just show me how good you are at lying. "

"Oh, I have no time for that right now," replied the young man. "I've just heard that they have drained the East Lake and everybody has gone there to catch soft-shelled turtles. I'm going there myself to catch some."

Believing him, the old man made a beeline for the East Lake. There, what greeted his eyes was the boundless expanse of the waters of the lake. Then he realized that he had been taken in.

Sunshine Empire Jobs

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 03:09:00 +0000

There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"

The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician said, "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."

The physicist declared, "It's in the magnitude of 1x101."

The logician paused for a long while and then said, "This problem is solvable."

The social worker said, "I don't know the answer, but I a glad that we discussed this important question.

The attorney stated, "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."

The trader asked, "Are you buying or selling?"

The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "What would you like it to be?"

Sunshine Empire Government

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 16:55:00 +0000

Two British men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they each took gentlemanly turns with the lady.

Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island - the two fought and one killed the other to have the lady.

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they both had the lady together.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they killed the lady to have each other.

Two Australian men and a lady stranded on a desert island both dug until they found COLD beer, drunk and passed out before they get to the lady.

Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island the two are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT.

Sunshine Empire Cad

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:15:00 +0000

Reasons why it's great to be a guy

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. You know stuff about tanks.

3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

4. Monday Night Football.

5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

6. You can open all your own jars.

7. Old friends don't annoy you if you've lost or gained weight.

8. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

9. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

10. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

11. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

12. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

13. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

14. Your last name stays put.

15. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

16. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

17. You can kill your own food.

18. The garage is all yours.

19. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

20. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

21. You never have to clean the toilet.

22. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

23. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

24. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

25. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

26. The National College Cheerleading Championship

27. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

28. You don't have to shave below your neck.

29. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

30. Everything on your face stays its original color.

31. Chocolate is just another snack.

32. You can be president.

33. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

34. Flowers fix everything.

35. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

36. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

37. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

38. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

39. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

40. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

41. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

42. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

43. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

44. You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

45. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking: He must be mad at me.

46. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

47. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

48. One mood, all the time.

49. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

50. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

51. Same work....more pay.

52. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

53. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

54. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

55. You don't mooch off others' desserts.

56. The remote is yours and yours alone.

57. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

58. ESPN's sports center.

59. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

60. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

61. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

62. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

63. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

64. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

65. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.

66. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

67. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

68. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

69. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"

70. Baywatch

71. There is always a game on somewhere.

Sunshine Empire Emall

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:01:00 +0000

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say Sem Ting."

Sunshine Empire Merchant Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 02:42:00 +0000

A merchant sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor, noting that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, told the collections manager to check it. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

Sunshine Empire Maximise Texas

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 02:24:00 +0000

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane,he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered,"Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.
Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally went past the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting...

"Don't flush Don't flush!"

Sunshine Empire Different Types of Bra

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:57:00 +0000

The man walked into the ladies department at Neiman Marcus. Somewhat flustered, he shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and stuttered, "Excuse me, but, I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

"OK. What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?" Beads of sweat began rolling down his back and forehead.

"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a veritable ocean of bras in every shape, size, color and material.

"Take heart," she said smiling. "You know, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras..."

Relieved, yet a bit confused, the man asked what were the types.

The clerk replied "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

More confused our here asked "What is the difference?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple.

The Catholic type supports the masses,

The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen,

and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

Sunshine Empire Failure

noreply@blogger.com (Sunshine Empire) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 02:13:00 +0000

Early in the 1970s a promising American pianist gave a concert in the chamber music room of the Erewan Hotel in Bangkok. The recital was only a few minutes old when the artist discovered that due to the climate's excessive humidity the D key of the treble clef began to stick repeatedly. As luck would have it, his programme comprised Bach's D minor Toccata and Fugue and his prelude and Fugue in D major.

The reviewer in the Bangkok Post also noted that there was a problem with the piano stool which had been so enthusiastically greased that during one of the more vigorous sections the pianist suddenly found himself swivelling round to face the audience.

Abandoning the Toccata in D minor, he moved on to Liszt's Fantasia in G minor, at which point the G key of the bass clef also stuck. To try and free the notes the virtuoso started kicking the lower section of the piano with his foot with the result that the piano's right leg soon gave way and the whole instrument tilted through 35 degrees.

At this point he rose, bowed and left the stage to audience applause. When he returned he had in his hand a fire axe with which he began to demolish the piano.

On hearing the resounding crash which followed, the ushers came rushing in and, with the help of the hotel manager, two watchmen and a passing policeman, finally succeeded in disarming the man and dragging him off stage.

http://terhune.net/jokes/index-failure.html