Sunshine Empire Chinese to English Jokes

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?
Ans: cos yu pian mi fen 鱼片米粉 (fish lie to bee hoon 鱼骗米粉)
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Qn: What animal falls down the most?
Ans: Fox, cos they jiao hua 狡猾(cunning 脚滑)
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Qn: Xiao ming drinks milk to grow up, Da ming drinks what?
Ans: Da ming drink wine, cos Jiu Yang Da Ming 久仰大名
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Qn: Which chinese host does not have centre parting?
Ans: wu zong xian 吴宗宪(no centre line 无中线)
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Qn: Why Zhou Jie Lun Cross the Street Kana fine by police?
Ans: Cos Jay Walking
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Qn:Which emperor (huang di) is blind??
Ans: Kang xi 康熙(Can't see)
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Qn: How does a fish laugh?
Ans: HE HE HE
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Qn: How does a prawn laugh?
Ans: HEI HEI HEI!
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Qn: Which animal should you look for if you're unable to open a bottle cap?
Ans: peacock, cos kong que kai ping 孔雀开屏
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Qn: Why baby don't need to brush teeth?
Ans: cos bei bi wu chi 卑鄙无耻
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Qn: Which button on your keyboard cannot sing?
Ans: F4
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Qns: Xiao Hong, Xiao Bai, Xiao Hei, Xiao Lan, Xiao Huang, who cannot tolerate roller-coasters?
Ans: Xiao Bai, cos always Xiao Bai Tu 小白兔

Sunshine Empire Ahmad & 2 Assholes

Ahmad died in a fire and his body was so badly burnt that the morgue needed someone to identify the body. They called up his two best friends, Ah Beng and Muthu.

Ah Beng went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Ah Beng said,"Wah, he's very barbecued like 'char siu'. Please roll him over, and I will tell you whether if he's my friend Ahmad or not."

The mortician rolled the body over and Ah Beng looked at his ass and immediately said, "No-lah, that isn't Ahmad."

The mortician was puzzled but didn't say anything.

He then went and got Muthu to inspect the body.

Muthu looked closely and said,"Yes, it is true he's burnt very badly, but roll him over and I'll see if he's my friend Ahmad."

Again the mortician rolled the body over and Muthu looked down at the ass and said, "Oh thank goodness, this is not Ahmad!!"

The mortician was extremely puzzled, and unable to stand it any longer he asked, "Okay, you have to tell me now - how can you and Ah Beng tell whether it is Ahmad just by looking at the ass?"

Muthu replied, "It's simple really. Well you see, Ahmad had two assholes!"

"What?!!" the mortician said with disbelief, "He had two assholes?!!"

"Oh yes! Everyone in Penang Road knows this because everytime the three of us go out, people always say, "Here comes Ahmad with the two assholes."

Sunshine Empire Romance Mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

_____________________________



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

_____________________________


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

______________________________


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Sunshine Empire Meeting St. Peter

Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in."

The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."

The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."

"Very good!" said St. Peter.

The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted!

Source: http://www.jokesblonde.com/

Sunshine Empire Smart Investing

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Source:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokesmartinvesting.htm

Sunshine Empire Relaxing

One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America . A lady came asked him, 'Are you relaxing?' Singh answered, ' No, I am Banta Singh.'

Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, 'No No Me Banta Singh!'

Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, 'Are you Relaxing?' The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.'

The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!'

Sunshine Empire Bankrupt

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

Sunshine Empire Get Rich Quick

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
"What are those for?"

The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand...
"the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

http://jokes.federal.ro/joke/2430.htm

Sunshine Empire Casino

One day, at a casino buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing.

He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed.

Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened. "Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried.

"Are you a paramedic?" "No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

http://www.casinojokes.net/casinojokes4.htm

Sunshine Empire Philosophy

A philosopher once had the following dream.

First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.

Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.

Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.

After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief.

The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That's what you say."

[From Raymond Smullyan, 5000 B.C. and Other Philosophical Fantasies. St. Martin's Press, 1983]

Sunshine Empire Weather

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

http://www.weatherimages.org/wxhumor.html

Sunshine Empire Property Venture

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."

Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."

Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was leaving. The boy said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"

http://www.jokesgallery.com/joke.php?joke=3275&id=1

Sunshine Empire Registration

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.

The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"

"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;

"Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher "Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..."

"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"

http://www.jokes.net/policeandablonde.htm

Sunshine Empire Communications

This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

http://www.humorsphere.com/j/94.html

Sunshine Empire Funeral

A woman went into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She told the director that she wanted her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asked, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?”

“No,” she insisted as she handed him a check to buy a dark blue suit. “It must be blue.”

When she came back for the wake, she saw her husband in the coffin, and he was wearing a beautiful blue suit. She told the director how much she loved the suit and asked how much it cost.

He said, “Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her, so I switched the heads.”

http://www.maximonline.com/jokes/index.aspx?joke_id=859

Sunshine Empire Accountant and the Business Owner

There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"

The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician said "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."

The attorney stated "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."

The trader asked "Are you buying or selling?"

The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice "What would you like it to be?"

http://www.jokes.net/accountantandthebusinessowner.htm

Sunshine Empire Dog Property

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.

7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.

8. If I saw it first, its mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If its broken, its yours.

http://www.jakesjokes.com/joke_16088.php

Sunshine Empire HYIP

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting". Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job - if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over Rs 50,00,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is.

The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags Santa to an interpreter.
The mafia hood says to Santa, "Ask him where is the money."

Santa signs, "Where's the money?"

The deaf replies, "I don`t know what you're talking about."

Santa tells the hood, "He says he doesn`t know what you're talking about."

The hood pulls out a .38 pistol and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where's the money."

Santa signs, "Where is the money?"

The deaf man signs, "The 50,00,000 is in Rose Garden, hidden in the ninth tree stump on the left from the exit gate." Santa says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you`re talking about and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger"

Sunshine Empire Fengshui

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat

for two dollars.

The storeowner replies "I`m sorry, but the cat isn`t for sale.

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I`ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat`s used to eat and it`ll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that`s my lucky saucer. So far this week I`ve sold sixty-eight cats."

Sunshine Empire BMW

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

http://www.lifeisajoke.com/animal20_html.htm

Sunshine Empire Lousy Lawyer

16> His idea of a key immunity deal involves penicillin shots.
15> Open argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo
Head" could hurt your case.
14> Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.
13> In the middle of your trial, he crawls underneath the bench
and actually tries to "please the court."
12> Uses rhyming couplets like Johnny Cochran, but they all end
with "Nantucket."
11> Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
10> Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser
Troll."
9> A closer look at his diploma reveals it's from Yale
Lock School.
8> The only question she can come up with during cross-
examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?"
7> Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting
from the jury.
6> Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he
screams, "Yahtzee!"
5> Dental problem forces her to use short, concise sentences
comprised of commonly used, clearly understood words.
4> Instead of saying "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls
his eyes and says, "Whatever."
3> Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the
"discovery" processes.
2> Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

and Top5's Number 1 Sign Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out...

1> "Nice breasts, Your Honor."

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]

Sunshine Empire Blog

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Actually, he already did it. It’s just saved in draft mode.

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Actually, he already did it. You just didn’t know because you don’t get the feed.

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. Bloggers don’t change lightbulbs, they change the world.

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Sure, Brooke Mote, 35, of Covington, Ga., knew she was fat. Whenever the single first-grade teacher went out socially, every chat she had with a man seemed to end with a requestÅ that she introduce him to her slender friend! Still, she never thought there was anything wrong with being at 5-foot-10 and 268 lbs. a big, beautiful woman. Search Phentermine pills!

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 100. 1 to change the lightbulb and 99 to comment on how it should have been done differently.

Sunshine Empire Liar

A young loiterer from Wuling was known as a notorious liar. One day he fell in with an old man in the marketplace.

"I've heard that you are a great liar," said the old man. "Just show me how good you are at lying. "

"Oh, I have no time for that right now," replied the young man. "I've just heard that they have drained the East Lake and everybody has gone there to catch soft-shelled turtles. I'm going there myself to catch some."

Believing him, the old man made a beeline for the East Lake. There, what greeted his eyes was the boundless expanse of the waters of the lake. Then he realized that he had been taken in.

Sunshine Empire Jobs

There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"

The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician said, "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."

The physicist declared, "It's in the magnitude of 1x101."

The logician paused for a long while and then said, "This problem is solvable."

The social worker said, "I don't know the answer, but I a glad that we discussed this important question.

The attorney stated, "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."

The trader asked, "Are you buying or selling?"

The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "What would you like it to be?"

Sunshine Empire Government

Two British men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they each took gentlemanly turns with the lady.

Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island - the two fought and one killed the other to have the lady.

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they both had the lady together.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they killed the lady to have each other.

Two Australian men and a lady stranded on a desert island both dug until they found COLD beer, drunk and passed out before they get to the lady.

Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island the two are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT.

Sunshine Empire Cad

Reasons why it's great to be a guy

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. You know stuff about tanks.

3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

4. Monday Night Football.

5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

6. You can open all your own jars.

7. Old friends don't annoy you if you've lost or gained weight.

8. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

9. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

10. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

11. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

12. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

13. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

14. Your last name stays put.

15. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

16. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

17. You can kill your own food.

18. The garage is all yours.

19. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

20. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

21. You never have to clean the toilet.

22. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

23. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

24. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

25. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

26. The National College Cheerleading Championship

27. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

28. You don't have to shave below your neck.

29. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

30. Everything on your face stays its original color.

31. Chocolate is just another snack.

32. You can be president.

33. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

34. Flowers fix everything.

35. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

36. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

37. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

38. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

39. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

40. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

41. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

42. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

43. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

44. You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

45. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking: He must be mad at me.

46. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

47. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

48. One mood, all the time.

49. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

50. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

51. Same work....more pay.

52. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

53. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

54. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

55. You don't mooch off others' desserts.

56. The remote is yours and yours alone.

57. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

58. ESPN's sports center.

59. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

60. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

61. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

62. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

63. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

64. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

65. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.

66. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

67. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

68. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

69. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"

70. Baywatch

71. There is always a game on somewhere.

Sunshine Empire Emall

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say Sem Ting."

Sunshine Empire Merchant Joke

A merchant sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor, noting that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, told the collections manager to check it. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

Sunshine Empire Maximise Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane,he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered,"Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.
Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally went past the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting...

"Don't flush Don't flush!"

Sunshine Empire Different Types of Bra

The man walked into the ladies department at Neiman Marcus. Somewhat flustered, he shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and stuttered, "Excuse me, but, I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

"OK. What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?" Beads of sweat began rolling down his back and forehead.

"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a veritable ocean of bras in every shape, size, color and material.

"Take heart," she said smiling. "You know, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras..."

Relieved, yet a bit confused, the man asked what were the types.

The clerk replied "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

More confused our here asked "What is the difference?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple.

The Catholic type supports the masses,

The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen,

and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

Sunshine Empire Failure

Early in the 1970s a promising American pianist gave a concert in the chamber music room of the Erewan Hotel in Bangkok. The recital was only a few minutes old when the artist discovered that due to the climate's excessive humidity the D key of the treble clef began to stick repeatedly. As luck would have it, his programme comprised Bach's D minor Toccata and Fugue and his prelude and Fugue in D major.

The reviewer in the Bangkok Post also noted that there was a problem with the piano stool which had been so enthusiastically greased that during one of the more vigorous sections the pianist suddenly found himself swivelling round to face the audience.

Abandoning the Toccata in D minor, he moved on to Liszt's Fantasia in G minor, at which point the G key of the bass clef also stuck. To try and free the notes the virtuoso started kicking the lower section of the piano with his foot with the result that the piano's right leg soon gave way and the whole instrument tilted through 35 degrees.

At this point he rose, bowed and left the stage to audience applause. When he returned he had in his hand a fire axe with which he began to demolish the piano.

On hearing the resounding crash which followed, the ushers came rushing in and, with the help of the hotel manager, two watchmen and a passing policeman, finally succeeded in disarming the man and dragging him off stage.

http://terhune.net/jokes/index-failure.html

Sunshine Empire Easy Cash Easy Money

Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new
"Drive-through" cashpoint machines, customers will
be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users
to
use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.
Please
read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or
FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first
time.

MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Turn the radio down
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
back page
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forwards 2 meters
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided
24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers
queuing behind
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26 Release handbrake

http://www.bunchofbankers.co.uk/notices2.html

Sunshine Empire Bank President's Ball

An elderly woman walked into the main office of Chase Manhattan Bank building, holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the teller's window that she wished to deposit
the $3 million in the bag and open an account at the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the amount of money involved. The teller thought that to be a reasonable request, and, after opening the bag and seeing bundles of $1000 bills, which amounted to approximately $3,000,000, telephoned the bank president's secretary for an appointment for the lady.

The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know people she did business with on a more personal basis. The president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of cash. "Was it inherited?" he asked. "No," she replied. He was quiet for several seconds, trying to think of where this elderly lady could possibly have come into $3 million.

"I bet," she offered. "As in horses?". "No," she replied, "as in people". Seeing his confusion, she explained that she just bet on different things with people. Suddenly, she said, "I'll bet you 25,000 that by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning your balls will be square."

The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on the bet. He didn't know how he could lose. For the rest of the day, he was extremely cautious--he decided to stay home that evening and take no chances. $25,000 was at stake.

When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make certain that everything was O.K. There was no change in his scrotal appearance. He looked the same as always. He went to his
office and waited for the woman to come in at 10AM, humming as he went. He knew this was his lucky day. How often did he get handed $25,000 for doing nothing?

At 10 o'clock sharp, the woman was shown into his office. With her was a man. When the bank president asked her what the other man was with her for, she informed the president that he was her
lawyer and she always took him along when there was this much money involved in her betting.

"Well," she asked, "what about our bet?" "I don't know how to tell you this," he said, "but I'm the same as I've always been, only $25,000 richer." The old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What's wrong with him?"

She replied, "Nothing, except that I bet him $100,000 that by 10am today I'd have the Chase Manhattan Bank's president's balls in my hand."

http://www.afunworld.com/retirement-jokes/joke-311.htm

Sunshine Empire The Ladder to Success Joke

One day, Chucky came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.

She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Chucky figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.

She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Chucky saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.

She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Chucky really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Chucky couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar. Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Chucky.

Apprehensively, Chucky whispers, "Who are you?" The biker answers, "I'm Cess."
www.whichquote.com

Sunshine Empire Changes Name

Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)
Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)
Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)
Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)
Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)
Adam Meway (Out of My Way)
Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)
Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)
Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)
Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)
Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)
Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)
Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)
Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)
Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)
Al Luminum (Aluminum)
Al Nino (El Nino)
Al O'Moaney (Alimony)
Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)
Alec Tricity (Electricity)
Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)
Alf Abet (Alphabet)
Ali Gator (Ali Gator)
Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)
Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)
Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)
Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)
Andy Gravity (Anti-Gravity)
Andy Structible (Indestructible)
Anita Cock (I need a cock)
Anita Bath (I Need A Bath)
Anita Hoare (I Need A Whore)
Ann B. Dextrous (Ambidextrous)
Ann Chovie (Anchovy)
Ann Tartica (Antartica)
Anna Linjection (Anal Injection)
Anna Mull (Animal)
Anna Rexiya (Anorexia)
Anne T. Lope (Antelope)
Annie Buddyhome (Anybody Home)
Annie Mah (Enema)
Ariel Hassle (A Real Hassle)
Artie Choke (Artichoke)
Aunty Biotic (Anti-Biotic)
Ayma Dommy (I'm A Dummy)
Ayma Moron (I'm a Moron)
Barb Dwyer (Barbed Wire)
Barb E. Cue (Barbecue)
Barry D'Alive (Buried Alive)
Barry D. Hatchett (Bury the Hatchett)
Barry Shmelly (Very Smelly)
Bart Ender (Bartender)
Bea O'Problem (B.O. Problem)
Bea Sting (Bee Sting)
Beau Vine (Bovine)
Ben Crobbery (Bank Robbery)
Ben Dover (Bend Over)
Ben O'Drill (Benadryl)
Ben Thair (Been There)
Ben Lyon (Been lieing)
Bess Twishes (Best Wishes)
Betty Bangzer (Bet He Bangs Her)
Betty Beatzer (Bet He Beats Her)
Betty Humpser (Bet He Humps Her)
Bill Board (Billboard)
Bill Ding (Building)
Bill Leeake (Belly Ache)
Bill Lowney (Bologna)
Bjorn Free (Born Free)
Bo Nessround (Bonus Round)
Bob Frapples (Bob for Apples)
Bowen Arrow (Bow and Arrow)
Boyd Schidt (Bird Shit)
Brice Tagg (Price Tag)
Brighton Early (Bright and Early)
Brook Lynn Bridge (Brooklyn Bridge)
Bud Weiser (Budweiser)
Burnedette Down (Burnt it Down)
Buster Cherry (Bust her Cherry)
Buster Hymen (Bust her Hymen)
Cal Culator (Calculator...duh)
Cal Efornia (California)
Cal Seeium (Calcium)
Candice B. DePlace (Can This Be The Place)
Candice B. Fureal (Can This Be For Real)
Carl Arm (Car Alarm)
Carlotta Tendant (Car Lot Attendant)
Carra S. Midown (Caress Me Down)
Carrie DeKoffin (Carry the Coffin)
Carrie Oakey (Karaoke)
Carson O. Gin (Carcinogen)
Casey Deeya (Quesadilla)
Casey Needzit (In Case He Needs It)
Chad Terbocks (Chatterbox)
Chanda Lear (Chandalear)
Chi Spurger (Cheeseburger)
Chris Ko (Crisco)
Chris Mass (Christmas)
Chris P. Nugget (Crispy Nugget)
Chuck Mysak (Chuck My Sack)
Chuck Roast (Hmmm...Chuck Roast?)
Claire DeAir (Clear the Air)
Clara Nett (Clarinet)
Clara Sabell (Clear as a Bell)
Claude N. Skretchem (Clawed and Scratched Them)
Clint Toris (Clitoris)
Cody Pendant (Co-Dependant)
Cole Kutz (Cold cuts) See
Colette A. Day
Colin Allcars (Calling all Cars)
Colleen Cardd (Calling Card)
Connie Lingus (Cunnilingus)
Craig Potz (Crackpots)
Craven Moorehead (Craving More Head)
Crystal Ball (Crystal Ball)
Curt N. Rodd (Curtain Rod)
Curt Zee (Curtsy)
Cy Burns (Sideburns)
Cy Kosis (Psychosis)
Dale E. Bread (Daily Bread)
Dan D. Lyon (Dandelion)
Dan Druff (Dandruff)
Dan Geruss (Dangerous)
Dan Gleebitz (Dangly Bits)
Danielle Soloud (Don't Yell So Loud)
Darius Lesgettham (There He Is, Let's Get Him)
Darrell B. Moore (There'll be More)
Daryl Lect (Derelict)
Dawn Keebals (Donkey Balls)
Dee Capitated (Decapitated)
Dee Faced (Defaced)
Dee Sember (December)
Dennis Toffice (Dentist Office)
Denny Juan Heredatt (Did Anyone Hear That?)
Des Buratto (Desperado)
Diane Toluvia (Dyin' to Love Ya)
Di O'Bolic (Diobolic)
Dick Cumoff (Dick Come Off)
Dick Gozinia (Dick Goes In Ya)
Dick Head (Uhhh...Dick Head)
Dick N. Cider (Dick Inside Her)
Dick Zucker (Dick Sucker...You Know Who You Are)
Dick Tater (Dictator)
Didi Reelydoit (Did He Really Do It?)
Dinah Sore (Dinosaur)
Doll R. Bill...(Dollar Bill)
Don Thatt (Done That)
Doug Graves (Dug Graves)
Douglas S. Halfempty (The Glass is Half Empty)
Drew Blood (Drew Blood)
Drew Peacock (Droopy Cock)
Duane DeVane (Drain the Vain)
Dustin D. Furniture (Dusting the Furniture)
Dwayne Pipes (Drain Pipes)
Dylan Weed (Dealin' Weed)
Earl E. Byrd (Early Bird)
Eda Dick (Eat a dick)
Ed Ible (Edible)
Ed Jewcation (Education)
Ed Venture (Adventure)
Eileen Dover (I Leaned Over)
Ella Vader (Elevator)
Elle O'Quent (Eloquent)
Ellie Noise (Illinois)
Ellis Dee (L.S.D)
Elmer Sklue (Elmer's Glue)
Emma Roids (Hemorrhoids)
Eric Shun (Erection)
Evan Lee Arps (Heavenly Harps)
Evans Gayte (Heavan's Gate)
Eve Hill (Evil)
Eve Ning (Evening)
Eve O'Lution (Evolution)
Ewan Whatarmy (You and What Army?)
Faye Kinnitt (Faking It)
Faye Slift (Face Lift)
Faye Tallity (Fatality)
Fletcher Bisceps (Flex Your Bisceps)
Frank Furter (Frankfurter)
Freida Convict (Free the Convict)
Frank N. Stein (Frankenstein)
Gabe Asher (Gay Basher)
Gabe Barr (Gay Bar)
Gene E. Yuss (Genius)
Gene Poole (Gene Pool)
Ginger Vitis (Gingervitis)
Gil T. Azell (Guilty as Hell)
Gladys Eeya (Glad to See Ya)
Gus Comzadia (Gas Comes Outta Ya)
Gus Tofwin (Gust of Wind)

More at http://www.101funjokes.com/funny_names.htm

Sunshine Empire Who's Guilty

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around,scanned the class looking for the guilty face.

Finding none, she quickly erased it,and began her class.The next day shewent into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again n the black board.Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so sheproceeded with the day's lesson.

very morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found thesame word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previousday's word. inally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word onthe board, but instead, found the words,

"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

Sunshine Empire Money isn't everything

It can buy a house, but not a home.
It can buy a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy a clock, but not time.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you a position, but not respect.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
It can buy you sex, but not love.

So you see, money isn't everything...

I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering... so send me all your money, and I will suffer for you.

A truer friend than me you will never find...

CASH ONLY, PLEASE!

Sunshine Empire Gold

Five men were selected for a survey. They were taken away to a hotel called the goldings. There they found the place covered top to bottom in golden fittnigs and furnishings, the doors were gold, the floor was gold, the roof was gold, the stairs were gold. Every thing in the lobby was gold.

They were shown to there rooms by a maid. She had golden hair , golden dress , golden tights , golden shoes , golden piney and a golden hat. She shown each man in to his room.

The rooms were decorated in yet more gold. Golden beds , golden pillows , golden windows, golden toothbrushes , golden chocolates, golden soap, golden bathrobes, golden pictures .

They woke up that morning to have a bath in a golden bath with golden taps , golden mirrors , golden tiles and a golden toilet.

They were led to the golden dining room via the golden staircase. The dining room was exquisitive. Golden walls , golden chairs, golden table goldern knives and falks , golden spoons and a golden table cloth.

The golden maids came in and asked if they would like cereal or poridge for breakfast , while the men talked about how posh the place was.

The first man asked for porridge , as did the second third and forth , the fifth asked for cereal.


and ladies and gentlemen this proves that 4 in 5 men prefer porridge!

Sunshine Empire Taking Wealth with Him

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most--his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

Sunshine Empire Plan

In the beginning was the Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of sh*t, and it stinks."

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell.

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is the container of the excrements, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Mangers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

And that is how sh*t happens.

Sunshine Empire Investment

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Greek village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.

The American complimented the Greek on the quality of his fish and asked, "How long does it take to catch them?" The Greek replied: "Only a little while."

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Greek said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Greek fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play cards with my friends, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.

Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution.

You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Athens, then London and eventually New York where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Greek fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-25 years."

"But what then?" The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions ... Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play cards with your friends."

Don't arrest the Sunshine Empire Judge

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"

"That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."

"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.

"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike.

"Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere."

"That there is," replied Irish Mike...." 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."

Sunshine Empire Charged as Guilty

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.

His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

Sunshine Empire Marketing Joke

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?"
That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a buck. She goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?"
That's Advertising.

You go to a party and see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow get her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"
That's Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"
That's Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing the Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"
That's Hard Selling.

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, how about it?"
Now THAT is the power of Branding.

Sunshine Empire Corporate Jokes

The Sunshine Empire Businessman

A young businessman had just started his Sunshine Empire firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear as a big shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The Sunshine Empire Scam

An online video on the parody of "Making Money" Scam programmes.

Sunshine Empire refunds Money back to Crooks

Some thieves got a taste of their own “money” when they passed counterfeit bills at a Cincinnati area Wal-Mart store.

In a bizarre twist that involved two transactions and three different trips to the Wal-Mart Store in Westwood, employees were determined to teach them a lesson.

The employees are calling the thieves the dumbest criminals in the Tri-state area.

They say they used their counterfeit money to buy items, but later returned those items to get a cash refund of legitimate bills.

But the store manager had a different idea.

“A male came into the store, purchased approximately $400 worth of merchandise –a DVD player, some DVDs,” said Lieutenant Russ Neville, a Cincinnati police officer.

Wal-Mart-mart management says that after the man left, an employee noticed the money was fake — but it was too late.

They never expected what happened next.

“A female came back a short time later with a receipt from that purchase and returned approximately $300 worth of the merchandise,” said Lt. Neville.

Employees say she was hoping to get real money with her return, but Wal-Mart says they recognized the receipt and made the decision to give back the bogus bills.

Management says the thieves actually had the gall to come back a third time, less than an hour later to complain that they had been given counterfeit money.

The manager told them they could take their concerns to the police, and they left.

“I think that shows that Wal-Mart is so smart if they picked up on that,” said Neville.

On the other hand, they could go spend the counterfeit money at another business establishment.

And that’s something police say they’re looking into — why the store gave the money back, knowing it could end up in circulation again.

But the Wal-Mart store’s management says they used a counterfeit detecting pen that left obvious black marks all over the bills, that most cashiers would pick up on.

The Wal-Mart corporation had no comment about why the bills were returned.

In the meantime police say they have no suspects at this time and plan to request surveillance video from Wal-Mart to help them with their investigation.

True Criminal Jokes @ http://www.dumbcrooks.com/

Sunshine Empire gives out Money to Brighten your Day

Wait a second! I think i meant "Money Jokes" instead of "Money" haha! Enjoy the jokes brought to you by Sunshine Empire Blog.

I Need a LOAN!

A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars."

At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line."

The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!"

"Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father.

The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly."

The father says, "Oh, good. YOU send him the money!"

My Husband is a Millionaire!

A woman proudly told her friend, "I'm responsible for making my husband a millionaire."

"Well what was he before he married you?" the friend asked.

"A billionaire."

The Offer

A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool.

The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked.

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give—-for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the person that pushed me in!"