Sunshine Empire Get Rich Quick

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
"What are those for?"

The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand...
"the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

http://jokes.federal.ro/joke/2430.htm

Sunshine Empire Easy Cash Easy Money

Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new
"Drive-through" cashpoint machines, customers will
be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users
to
use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.
Please
read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or
FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first
time.

MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Turn the radio down
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
back page
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forwards 2 meters
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided
24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers
queuing behind
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26 Release handbrake

http://www.bunchofbankers.co.uk/notices2.html

Sunshine Empire Money isn't everything

It can buy a house, but not a home.
It can buy a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy a clock, but not time.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you a position, but not respect.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
It can buy you sex, but not love.

So you see, money isn't everything...

I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering... so send me all your money, and I will suffer for you.

A truer friend than me you will never find...

CASH ONLY, PLEASE!

Sunshine Empire Taking Wealth with Him

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most--his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

Sunshine Empire Saving Some Gas Money

With fuel prices soaring new highs, now Sunshine Empire shows you how you can save some gas money...


A Funny Way to Save Some Gas Money

Sunshine Empire Corporate Jokes

The Sunshine Empire Businessman

A young businessman had just started his Sunshine Empire firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear as a big shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

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The Sunshine Empire Scam

An online video on the parody of "Making Money" Scam programmes.

Sunshine Empire refunds Money back to Crooks

Some thieves got a taste of their own “money” when they passed counterfeit bills at a Cincinnati area Wal-Mart store.

In a bizarre twist that involved two transactions and three different trips to the Wal-Mart Store in Westwood, employees were determined to teach them a lesson.

The employees are calling the thieves the dumbest criminals in the Tri-state area.

They say they used their counterfeit money to buy items, but later returned those items to get a cash refund of legitimate bills.

But the store manager had a different idea.

“A male came into the store, purchased approximately $400 worth of merchandise –a DVD player, some DVDs,” said Lieutenant Russ Neville, a Cincinnati police officer.

Wal-Mart-mart management says that after the man left, an employee noticed the money was fake — but it was too late.

They never expected what happened next.

“A female came back a short time later with a receipt from that purchase and returned approximately $300 worth of the merchandise,” said Lt. Neville.

Employees say she was hoping to get real money with her return, but Wal-Mart says they recognized the receipt and made the decision to give back the bogus bills.

Management says the thieves actually had the gall to come back a third time, less than an hour later to complain that they had been given counterfeit money.

The manager told them they could take their concerns to the police, and they left.

“I think that shows that Wal-Mart is so smart if they picked up on that,” said Neville.

On the other hand, they could go spend the counterfeit money at another business establishment.

And that’s something police say they’re looking into — why the store gave the money back, knowing it could end up in circulation again.

But the Wal-Mart store’s management says they used a counterfeit detecting pen that left obvious black marks all over the bills, that most cashiers would pick up on.

The Wal-Mart corporation had no comment about why the bills were returned.

In the meantime police say they have no suspects at this time and plan to request surveillance video from Wal-Mart to help them with their investigation.

True Criminal Jokes @ http://www.dumbcrooks.com/