Sunshine Empire Chinese to English Jokes

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?
Ans: cos yu pian mi fen 鱼片米粉 (fish lie to bee hoon 鱼骗米粉)
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Qn: What animal falls down the most?
Ans: Fox, cos they jiao hua 狡猾(cunning 脚滑)
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Qn: Xiao ming drinks milk to grow up, Da ming drinks what?
Ans: Da ming drink wine, cos Jiu Yang Da Ming 久仰大名
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Qn: Which chinese host does not have centre parting?
Ans: wu zong xian 吴宗宪(no centre line 无中线)
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Qn: Why Zhou Jie Lun Cross the Street Kana fine by police?
Ans: Cos Jay Walking
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Qn:Which emperor (huang di) is blind??
Ans: Kang xi 康熙(Can't see)
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Qn: How does a fish laugh?
Ans: HE HE HE
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Qn: How does a prawn laugh?
Ans: HEI HEI HEI!
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Qn: Which animal should you look for if you're unable to open a bottle cap?
Ans: peacock, cos kong que kai ping 孔雀开屏
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Qn: Why baby don't need to brush teeth?
Ans: cos bei bi wu chi 卑鄙无耻
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Qn: Which button on your keyboard cannot sing?
Ans: F4
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Qns: Xiao Hong, Xiao Bai, Xiao Hei, Xiao Lan, Xiao Huang, who cannot tolerate roller-coasters?
Ans: Xiao Bai, cos always Xiao Bai Tu 小白兔

Sunshine Empire Ahmad & 2 Assholes

Ahmad died in a fire and his body was so badly burnt that the morgue needed someone to identify the body. They called up his two best friends, Ah Beng and Muthu.

Ah Beng went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Ah Beng said,"Wah, he's very barbecued like 'char siu'. Please roll him over, and I will tell you whether if he's my friend Ahmad or not."

The mortician rolled the body over and Ah Beng looked at his ass and immediately said, "No-lah, that isn't Ahmad."

The mortician was puzzled but didn't say anything.

He then went and got Muthu to inspect the body.

Muthu looked closely and said,"Yes, it is true he's burnt very badly, but roll him over and I'll see if he's my friend Ahmad."

Again the mortician rolled the body over and Muthu looked down at the ass and said, "Oh thank goodness, this is not Ahmad!!"

The mortician was extremely puzzled, and unable to stand it any longer he asked, "Okay, you have to tell me now - how can you and Ah Beng tell whether it is Ahmad just by looking at the ass?"

Muthu replied, "It's simple really. Well you see, Ahmad had two assholes!"

"What?!!" the mortician said with disbelief, "He had two assholes?!!"

"Oh yes! Everyone in Penang Road knows this because everytime the three of us go out, people always say, "Here comes Ahmad with the two assholes."

Sunshine Empire Romance Mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.